Women always complain to me about guys talking about weird or stupid stuff on the first date: He can go on for hours talking about his ex-girlfriend, has only negative stuff to tell or just doesn’t stop talking about his online game or sports. In short: Men love to talk about things that are just not that interesting for women, especially when they fail to even hear her opinion or give her anything emotionally positive.
So what the hell are guy thinking about when they talk to women? The good news: Nothing bad at all! Basically most guys just want to be nice and friendly, while being shy, stressed and full of fears of failure or rejection. So they will usually resort to a style of communication that they know very well and feel comfortable with. For years they have had success talking like that with their (male!) friends, coworkers, their family etc., but what they fail to notice is that this will not lead to anything with women. They don’t know that if they continue to talk to a woman they are interested in just like they would talk to their friends they will probably not be successful.
So what can women do in those cases? First of all: Never get angry or show him that he is boring, stupid or does anything “wrong”! He doesn’t. All he does is talking like a regular guy would talk to most people that he encounters in his life. Usually men just lack the experience with the right kind of communication with women. That is just the way he talks with anybody else, and since he is on a date, he is usually not creepy or strange, but successful with talking to other people. Laughing at him or feeling superior won’t help at all in this kind of situation.
Women want to be taken seriously by men and want him to show a real interest in her as a person. The same is true for men. If a woman doesn’t take him seriously and doesn’t show any interest in him and the things he finds important, he will notice that quite fast and just shut down, be quiet, or lose interest in her.
Unfortunately women are less tolerant in this regard – they seem to lose interest very fast and just blame him for being boring. I hear women’s complaints about “boring” dates all the time – especially from women, who go to a date with high expectations of being entertained, and the guy failing to say and do the “right” things. But the responsibility for a good date lies with both people – especially in our modern times, when women claim to be independent and strong, they have their equal share in making a date a nice one. So the blame for “bad” dates rests with both – men and women!
It pays off to try to see him in another light and taking him and his style of communication seriously. Just trying to pay attention and seeing him from another perspective can change that whole date to the positive. Suddenly women can have more fun at their dates, really getting to know the other person – asking questions to find out more, learning about something that they know very little about, really getting to know him. Instead of constantly having an internal dialogue about how bad this guy is, how boring and weird, just listening and being honestly interested in that other person will lead to a lot of fun with a guy who suddenly finds himself with an interesting woman – one that is actually really interested in him and shares her stories and experiences.
There is a lot to find out about another person on a first, second or third date – we can either use this chance or just go home disappointed and in a bad mood!
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